Thanksgiving Anxiety

Texting a friend—”I don’t know why I feel so anxious today. I just want to get drunk to get rid of that feeling :(“

He responds, “Why anxious?”

“That’s the worst part. I don’t know. Like it’s going to be a good day…picking up the boys for the day/night, doing Thanksgiving at my family’s house, but it’s literally overwhelming just thinking about getting into the shower”

“Aw i’m sorry”

Just looking through photos on my phone from the last year. I know I’ve had anxiety like this a lot but the days that I just suck it up and do the next thing...like showering without overthinking it lead to the most amazing memories. When I look at the pics I don’t remember the crippling feeling...just the moments that I’m glad I got out of bed and spent time with the people I care about. Like this pic...it was the worst morning for me and yet it turned into the most amazing day with the boys

Sometimes I get anxiety so bad the thought of getting out of bed to just take a shower is exhausting. I felt this Thanksgiving...I love my family and I was going to pick up my boys who I have every other weekend. I should have been elated but instead I was just in this horrible funk.

I texted a friend how I was feeling and then I started looking at my pics in my phone. I’ve felt this way a lot over the last two years (alcohol treatment, realizing I was self-medicating because I was miserable in my marriage), divorce, moving several times, pointless relationships that never felt right, changing jobs...

But when I looked at the memories I’d captured by getting out of bed even when I didn’t feel like it...it gave me hope.

So I got out of bed, showered, and drove out to pick up the boys from Nate’s and bring them back to our family Thanksgiving dinner.

And because I got out of bed, I was able to take these pictures…sometimes maybe you just have to take that first step and not overthink it so much.

Dillon, 9. At Dennis & LaVonne’s house for dinner…this sweet boy is always willing to take a timeout to take a selfie with me <3

Dillon (9) and Logan (4) playing outside before Thanksgiving dinner…Dillon is such a good big brother.