March 6, 2000 Almost 15 years old

March 6, 2000 Almost 15 years old

I do a tarot card spread, asking, “What Can You Tell Me About My Ideals for Love?”

My foundation is Temperance, telling me I feel nervous, agitated, frightened or confused, that I have a difficult time maintaining emotional balance. It will take a lot of discipline and I am distressed that I can’t or won’t make the necessary compromises to keep a relationship going with another, even if it means loss.

For the present, 10 of Cups

I want a fulfilling and rewarding relationship and the support of others. It’s not going to be easy, but try and I’ll succeed. My relationships are a direct reflection of my relationship with myself, or the way I view my relationship with God. It follows then that if I want my relationships to improve, then I must first improve my relationship with myself. When I trust myself, I am trusting God. Trust a little more.

My Hopes and Fears 10 of Staffs

I worry that the energy I’m applying to my goals is not enough, or that in the end, when all is said and done, I will fail anyway, and all my effort will be for nothing. I will feel that my desire for the things I want will go unfulfilled for a long, long time, and that the’work’ I must do in order to pull things together or complete them will take forever.

My Present and Passing Hanged Man

I want to let a higher wisdom handle my affairs so that I can let go of discouragement, striving, or trying to figure things out. There is a greater hand steering my course than my own. Let it be ‘Not my will but Thine’. t5i